Sunday, June 30, 2013

beat the heat

it's. HOT. y'all.

i've lived in texas before, but never during the summer time. it's always been during the winter or spring time. when everyone told me i wasn't ready, i laughed in their faces. they didn't know how much i loved the sunshine. i've always preferred being hot over being cold. i'll take the sun any day.

but LORD oh LORD why didn't anyone really explain humidity to me?! not only is it over 100 degrees out there... {yep, you read that right. over one hundred degrees. yesterday was 107!!} but the humidity made it feel like it was 120 or something! i firmly believe humidity is the devil's work. not only is it hot as balls out there, but it affects EVERYTHING. my hair will be perfection inside the house, but as soon as i step outside it's poof-city! i'll start sweating in places i didn't even know had sweat glands. even the car's a/c doesn't like to function properly! i knew it was bad when i was sweating while sitting INSIDE of a well air conditioned building!

i don't wear shorts. i only actually own one pair of bermuda shorts from old navy. other than that, it's all jeans and leggings. so i've learned to beat the heat with dresses and skirts. it's funny...i don't have anywhere to go most days and here i am wearing a dress and feeling all girly around my house. i saw a meme the other day that said, "i'm not wearing this dress to look cute, i'm wearing it to stay cool"....or something along those lines. and it's SO. TRUE. i wear dresses because they FLOW. so nothing is hardly touching me in this disrespectful texas heat! 

tank: old navy
skirt: old navy
costume necklace: family friend
shoes: old navy

...i'm starting to see a trend.

also? notice this mini shoot is in my office. 
that's because it's too dang hot to be outside right now!

i hear july and august are the worst times to be in the south.
faaaaan - tastic.
can't wait.


Saturday, June 29, 2013

soul sisters.

it's been said that you can't choose your family. God sends you to some lucky family and that's it. you kind of get no say in the matter. but there's a whole different kind of family. the non-blood sharing kind. and that's the kind that really matters. if you know me, you'll know that i haven't always had the best relationship with my family. and over the last eight years or so, the rift has only gotten bigger. don't get me wrong, love my family to death. but sometimes, well most times, we don't get along. i've always been that kid that didn't really fit in. i mean, you name a subject, topic, or trait and my family and i are consistently different. but you can't change that, right? so you create your own family.

these girls. they are my family.

from left to right:
me. susan. lauren. maggie.

i met them my freshman year at cornish. didn't know anyone. we're all vocalists. susan was the classical voice major. while lauren, maggie and i were jazz heads. let lauren tell it, she knew we were destined to be friends when i announced at the end of class that i had to fart really bad. lol i don't know how we all came to be best friends, or even when the moment came when i realized they were my girls. but it all just clicked. and it all works. 

i, as with most girls, have a hard time making and keeping female friends. girls, by nature, tend to be catty, self-centered, and always out on a personal agenda. but not these girls. from day one, we've always kept it real with each other. and i don't just mean always being honest. i'm talking...

"you have something in your teeth"
"that dress DOES make your ass look big"
"sometimes bad things happen. sometimes it's because of your bad choices"
"let me tell you a story...so this bitch..."
"can i just say..."
"honey, i love you....but..."
"you GUYS...."

i honestly don't know what i'd do without these girls. they're the only people, on the planet, i can go to with any problem and know that i'll get honest, real, and loving feedback. as a person who responds best to loving words, they speak my love language loud and clear. out of the four of us, i'm probably the one who's made the greatest life changes and biggest mistakes in the last eight years. yea, that's just my style. and every. single. time....they're right there, holding my hand...telling me that they love me, they understand and they support me no matter what. the funniest part is i'm the definition of an ASKHOLE. what's that? well, it's a person who constantly asks for advice and then does the exact opposite EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  ask them. they'll tell you. and not ONCE have they said, "i told you so." not once. do you know how rare that is?

i can be myself with these girls. i can tell my lame jokes, share my inappropriate stories, eat like the fat kid i am, say all the stuff i'm afraid to say out loud, and just be the big weirdo i am. and we're all like that. it's a safe place. the sheer fact that our friendship has lasted and thrived in the last eight years is phenomenal to me. i won't lie, when we graduated from college and started heading in our own directions....i worried. i worried that not seeing each other on a daily basis would affect our bond. but it really hasn't. the greatest friends are the ones you don't have to see every day, but nothing changes when you do see each other. social media has been a vital part in keeping us updated with the everyday happenings of each others lives. our "girls nights" happen every few months or so. and every time, we meet up with food and alcohol, sit around a table {either at someone's house or in our favorite restaurants} and spend the next few hours laughing, telling stories and jokes, sometimes crying, and just being girls. it's. the. best.

currently we're all spread out over the country. susan is in california chasing her music dreams. maggie is teaching children and kicking ass in the fitness realm. lauren is in texas, just a few hours from me, being an awesome caretaker for her grandmother, and i'm here in texas too trying to navigate the new turn my life is taking. i miss them so much. especially when i'm reminded that i don't know anyone in this new city or when something happens and i just really need a girl's night and some of lauren's amazing food. 

i hope and pray my kids meet friends like them. everyone deserves to have a couple close friends that mean the world to them. and i'm so blessed and honored that they love me and consider me their friend and sister.

psst. i'm totally tearing up right now.

to my girls,

i love you with every fiber of my soul. soul sisters...yep, that's who you are to me. i think it's a good thing we're not related {i mean...can you imagine our parents and how insane they'd be having the four of US as daughters...yeesh?!} but i sometimes... *cough* often....wish you were my bio- family. i thank God and the universe every day for our paths crossing back at The Corn. we've been through a lot together and we've weathered a ton of storms as a group. thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, accepting my farts, listening to my inappropriate stories, and helping me get fat on delicious food. you have played a critical role in helping me find "my voice". you stood by me while i was the immature 17,18, 19, 20,...etc. year old that i was. and hopefully now you ladies think i'm a bit more put together and mature. you love my children as if they were your own and your patience with them has been amazing. i'm excited to see all of our lives change and grown and to see our friendship and bond deepen and grow as well. i love you girls. so so freaking much. 


duuuuuuuuh. duuuuuuuuuh. duh duh duuuh ba duuuuh. <----i hope you know what song i just hummed. lol

CFK. for life!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

LET'S EAT: Sante Fe Chicken

pinterest has done it again! while scouring pinterest, {which has become my latest favorite activity to do when i'm bored lol}, i came across this recipe. john stopped my scrolling and gave his approval {a stomach fueled "mmmmmm"} so i had to pin it. and after thawing out a few chicken breasts for tonight's dinner, i knew what i had to make for dinner. 

boneless, skinless chicken breasts | canned corn | rotel | black beans | chicken stock | cilantro | avocado | taco seasoning packet | cumin | chili powder | garlic powder | olive oil

how it goes:
++ trim and clean chicken breasts. mine had fat on it so i trimmed it off. we don't like chicken fat here. 
++ season with taco seasoning packet. i find it's easier to buy these for .48 cents than trying to keep all of the ingredients in my seasoning cabinet. and they're so versatile.
++ drizzle olive oil in a pan, heat to medium high 
++ place chicken breasts {raw} in pan and cook thoroughly

++ when the chicken breasts were almost done cooking, i put a little chicken stock in the pan and covered them to help them finish without losing juiciness and flavor.

++ while the chicken was cooking, i started making jasmine rice.
i made just one cup of it. that usually lasts a long time at this house.
super simple: 1 cup of raw rice to 2 cups of water. a little sea salt. 
let the water boil and add the rice. 
cover. and turn heat to simmer.
don't touch until it's down. 
easy as pie.

++ so my chicken was still just a little pink on the inside, so i kept it covered by added the black beans, rotel and corn on top of the lid so they could warm up a bit. my lid didn't cover the entire pan so this worked well.

++ chop up an avocado. and drizzle with lime juice to preserve the color and get some flavor.
maybe you can peel and cut one without mushing it like i did. lol

++remove the lid.

++ once chicken is fully cooked {no pink}, remove it and start shredding.

++ mix the corn, tomato and bean mixture.
++ add more chicken stock.

++ re-add chicken shreds.
++ add some cumin, garlic powder and chili powder to taste.
fyi: go light with your season hand. you can always add more but you can't take it away.
++ let simmer to create a sauce.
++ turn off heat. add cilantro.

++ on a bed of rice, plate mixture.
++ add avocado chunks.


and there you have it. my version of this pinterest meal. it's SO good. it's easy to make. and it feeds a lot of people with a few ingredients. i love meals like this, especially since i'm a mexican food junky. and my kids love everything in this meal. i encourage you to try it yourself! then come back and tell me all about it. :)

check out more LET'S EAT recipes here.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

let's talk about it, shall we?

i wanted to write this when i wasn't upset. i wanted to write this when i could calmly and thoroughly express myself without sounding bitter or hurt or heartbroken. and i think i can do that now.

i'm asking for patience. this won't be easy to explain. and i'll more than likely leave some things out. but i wanted to leave it out there. i wanted people to have a glimpse into what it's been like for me. and even if it doesn't change your mind or alter your opinion, i know i've said all i can say on the matter.

in 2009, i met someone. that someone was on my radar as someone who'd ideally be a great boyfriend, but because he lived so far away, i didn't want to entertain the thought. i didn't do long distance relationships. eventually, he worked his way into my heart and we started dating....long distance. him in texas, me in washington. and it worked. shortly after dating, i went down to officially meet him. {do people still do that? begin a relationship without actually meeting their significant other...or was that just me in all my crazy foolishness?} it was the best weekend ever. i even wrote about it. he promised to marry me when he arrived in wa. i didn't believe him, but i secretly hoped he'd make good on that promise.

well surprise, surprise...he did. we were secretly married in april of 2009...just three months after we initially spoke to each other. in those three months, we spent a total of 2 weeks together in person. we knew we were taking a huge leap of faith by rushing the process, but we were confident that we could make it work.

june came around and not only did we reveal to the world that we were married..but we were also expecting our first baby. a son. throughout the pregnancy, i was constantly amazed at how selfless he was. footrubs, hot baths, my favorite foods, cuddle time...it was really perfect. i remember reading the twilight books and just being amazed at how much he reminded me of edward. just completely and totally in love with me and only me. it was amazing. and then austin was born in february twenty ten.

life, as i knew it, completely changed.

gone was the consideration, the sweetness, the care. we no longer worked through our differences. they just started to push us further apart. i tried to be a good wife and a good mother and find the balance in it all, but it was hard when i was the only one trying. intimacy no longer existed. i felt like i rarely saw him and if i did, he was too tired for anything other than food, the gym, and bed. of course, there were some really good times. i won't deny that. but there was a storm brewing on the horizon and it just kept getting closer no matter how much i tried to run in the other direction.

he began resenting me for things i had no control over, like how much sex he'd had prior to our relationship. like it was somehow my fault that he was twentyfour with so many more wild oats to sow. like i had somehow trapped him into marrying me and having a baby. but really...HE asked me to marry him. HE asked me to have babies with him. i wasn't 100% ready, but i stepped up and participated in my relationship. i gave what i was willing to give to fulfill him. and now, it was all my fault. so after weeks of fighting and disagreeing, we opened up our marriage with a free pass. i don't need to explain what this meant.

as a result, i was hurt. i was vulnerable. i was unconsciously searching for acceptance and love and attention and affection. and that came out of nowhere, in the form of another man.

let me start by saying, i'm not proud of this. i'm not happy that i succumbed to these desires. nor am i happy that i continued doing something that would eventually hurt everyone involved. but i won't pretend it didn't happen. i fell in love with someone else. at least, i thought i was in love. it felt like it. he gave me everything that i couldn't have in my relationship. he told me i was beautiful, he was my shoulder to cry on, he made me feel like i mattered. but the guilt was there. i couldn't take it any longer. i told my husband that i was in love with someone else. and i felt so bad about it. i pleaded with him to not hate me, to give me another chance, to let me right all of my wrongs and to move forward with him.  was he hurt? of course. was he mad? livid. but he understood how i came to the place where i was vulnerable enough to be swayed. he understood his part in the whole matter and we made plans to move forward....together.

at this point, i was pregnant with our second child. a daughter. the pregnancy was completely unplanned and unexpected, but we welcomed it. i juggled school, work, marriage and a toddler. to say it was difficult is putting it lightly. i ended up with complications and bella was born six weeks early. we spent two weeks in the nicu and then the entire summer of 2011 in and out of hospitals as we battled her biliary atresia. and instead of coming together as a family, i felt more and more isolated from him. he spent more time with work, opting for optional training and competitions, and more time away from us as a family. he was even more tired and more irritable.

i know his intentions. he wanted to provide for his family. and i respect and admire that. but balance is key. in his family, it's about sacrificing for the greater good. and their belief is that the "greater good" is always career and yourself. i wanted him to put his family first over all things underneath God.  i wanted to be at the top of his priority list. but he had tunnel vision and could only focus on what he felt was more important. our home life suffered. i did anything i could to save our marriage. i stuck through infidelity, lies, abandonment, mental and emotional abuse, neglect. i was dying inside trying to save something that he was destroying. he made me feel like i wasn't good enough. he told me that i wasn't a good mother because i couldn't handle two kids by myself. he told me that i wasn't a good wife because i wanted him to make time for me. he told me that i wasn't a good person because i let myself go. he told me i made his life worse by constantly asking him to change.

i read books and talked to other wives. i tried putting my needs on the backburner. and that worked at first. the thought process is that if i gave him what he needed, he would eventually begin to meet me halfway. i'd bend and he'd give me more affection. but eventually, i wasn't bending enough. so i'd bend more. i'd get the love back again. until i made him mad. and then all hell would break loose. i was a rabbit on a treadmill and his love was the proverbial carrot. if i ran fast enough and jumped through as many hoops as he put out there, i'd feel like i was getting closer, but i wasn't moving anywhere. i was just slowly dying as a person. make no mistake, he's not a bad person, but he is a master manipulator and craves control. and i tend to feel very guilty if i can't make him happy, so he played on that character quality. it got to the point where i was merely existing...i wasn't me anymore. postpartum depression has it's grips on me and i was barely hanging on as it was. i was doing some soul searching and trying to change myself overall for the better. but i realized some parts of me where just dying and changing for the worse. he kept promising to change, but he never made the changes he promised.

so before we moved to texas at the end of 2011, i took a stand. texas would be my final straw. no more chances after that. he understood, but kept falling short on keeping his promises. and by the time we arrived to san antonio, in december 2011...we were separated.

legally, we were still married. but for all intensive purposes, our relationship was over. we slept in separate rooms. and led separate lives. on the outside, we looked like a happy family. oh, but only if you knew. only when it concerned the kids did we resemble a family. i stayed in texas for three months, but eventually the kids and i left due to drama with his family. while there, i sank further into my depression. i barely functioned as a mom and definitely not as a person. i attempted to date but i was too emotionally scarred. but thank God for my friends. they gently pulled me out of the depths and starting to show me that i had worth. when all the drama with his family came to a head, i got the courage to leave texas and come back home. we boarded the plan with two suitcases, one for me and one for them, and we weren't looking back,

while back in washington, i found myself again. i had a job, a social life, i felt confident and ready to tackle the world. i was dating. it was great. then he started calling and saying all the right things. the mommy guilt set in and i felt like i should try again. so when he asked me to come down and help him move back to washington, i did. when i arrived we talked about our intentions and expectations. we said we'd go slow. we said we'd try, but it had to go slowly. but less than 24 hours after arriving in town, he got mad at me and drove off to spend his night with another woman. the next morning, he acted like nothing had happened.

crushed....doesn't even begin to describe it.

at this point, i had resolved that only time would tell as far as us getting back together. i was too broken to consider a relationship with him and if he could help me see that he was making an effort to change, then i'd be more willing to consider it. at this point, i just needed him to make me feel safe. like it was safe to love again. safe to trust again. i won't take anything away from him. he did try. and at times he was great. i remember telling my girlfriends that he was really making the effort and i was starting to feel hopeful that one day we'd be able to put all of this behind us. but sometimes without warning, he'd be mean and cruel again. the name calling, the rude remarks, the poking and prodding at my fractured ego, the hurtful comments and treatment...it'd all come rushing back. and i'd stand there, pleading with him to stop. sometimes i'd leave. sometimes i'd fight back. sometimes i'd cry. sometimes i'd just stand there and take it all. i don't do well in these situations. and every time, afterwards....a half-assed apology. a promise to change. a plea to give him another chance. just to have my heart walked all over again the next time he was mad at me.

please don't misunderstand, i never wanted him to just agree with me all the time. i never expected him to always be happy with me. but i did expect kindness and love through it all. i never thought being cruel was okay. because i wasn't cruel. love isn't supposed to be cruel. that's not how it's supposed to go.

there are so many incidences that i've blocked out or never wanted to deal with. there are so many issues that i have as a result of this relationship that i may never get over. i'm broken. i'm damaged goods. i have so much emotional baggage. i could go on for days with stories and examples that will clearly illustrate how and why i've come to this place in my life. why my heart is where it's at. and now it hasn't all been bad. there have been so many good moments. and i cherish those. but the bad has outweighed the good. the hurt outshines the whole. and i've come to a place where i'm too far gone to turn back now.

i see him in a completely different light. he's a great father and a dear friend. but all feelings of romance have flickered and gone out. i don't feel the way i'm supposed to feel towards him as my husband. the thought of staying in this marriage literally plagues me with fear because i'm choosing a life of sadness. i do believe in God and i believe He can and will work miracles in and through me, but he has to be in the same place. he talks a great deal and says all of the right things, but there's never any action to make those words a reality. my soul loves him so so much and would love for my family to be in tact, but i can't stay here. i think about the children.

i've asked him several times if he'd want his son to be like him or if he'd want his daughter to marry someone like him...his answer is no. and yet, he doesn't change. that's not something i want for my children. i want them to know what real love is. what it looks like, feels like. and i want them to search for that. but not this. i never had a grand example of what love is supposed to be, so i ended up here. and i never ever ever want my children to feel an ounce of what i've felt. i don't regret any of these decisions because of the gifts it has brought me.

so when you see me now...smiling and laughing and loving....with someone else, please understand that getting here has been harder than you can imagine. being able to open myself up to another person has been the most difficult thing i've ever dealt with. when you're ready to pass judgement on my actions and choices, please be sure to know that for the first time in a long time...i am happy. TRULY happy. more happy than i've ever been.

i've found someone who fits with me. who doesn't make me feel bad for any parts of me. who loves my children and respects their father. who challenges me to be and do better and never, ever puts me down. who is helping my heart to heal and grow and love again. who is a perfect example of what a significant other should be. who is a christian man who fears God. who teaches me something new everyday.

so when you start to feel a certain way about my choices or my life, please understand that while you know a little bit of the story, you don't have all of the details. you're missing huge chunks and that makes your picture flawed. i have the whole story. i know the who, why, when, where, and how. and i'm asking that you just trust me. i'm not, nor have i ever been, one of those people who doesn't take my actions seriously. everything i do has good consequences and bad consequences and they affect more than just myself. i understand that, i know that, and i cherish that. so if you start wanting to say or think something negative about me and my life, please...i beg of you..to keep it to yourself. reference this blog post. and rethink the whole scenario.

i love charlie with all my heart and soul. it's just in a different way. he will always be my dearest friend. sometimes you have to let go of something in order to heal and move on. and letting go doesn't always mean you don't love the person or cherish the time you had together, it just means you value something greater. i value my kids and my happiness far greater than anything else on this world. and to ensure those things, i have to make some changes. i hope you can respect and honor that.

on starting over

if you know me, you know i've been blogging consistently since 2005 (with the exception of this last year). i have blogs on plenty of different platforms- myspace, livejournal, blogger, tumblr.... my thoughts and experiences are all over this world wide web. i tend to overshare and tell too much of my private life. and you'd think that'd get me in trouble. well, at times, it has. but i've learned to be selective...never telling any more than i would say to anyone. and it's worked.

but this last year, i've had a hard time figuring out what to share and what not to share. there has been so much going on. sometimes good. sometimes bad. sometimes downright awful. blogging has always been a form of release and therapy, but how do you work through your junk when you're too scared to share your dirt? how do you keep up your "therapy" when you're struggling with what to share and what not to share? as a person who tends to avoid uncomfortable situations....you don't. you just keep it moving with that fake smile plastered on your face when you feel like you're dying inside. and so i did.

but now. things are different. things are better. things are more consistently "good". i'm happier. i'm healthier. i feel like i can talk about the bad and the good and i won't worry about any of it anymore. i'm moving forward and starting over and that makes it so much easier to share.

so here we are.

if you followed me last blog, Mommyhood, you'll wonder why i'm not over there anymore. and i'll have to get into that more, but for now... {more on that here}

mommyhood started as a love blog. it started as a daily love letter while i waited for my boyfriend to get to me. then we got married and it became my daily love letter as a wife. then we had babies. and it became my journey through new motherhood and being a wife and the life i led with those two new titles. it has its ups and downs. it has memories i'll forever cherish. it has times that i never, ever want to forget. but it's time to start over. that's not my life anymore.

yes. i'm still a mom.
yes. i'm still navigating that part of my life.
but my time as a wife is coming to an end. and i'm okay with that.
i promise to explain. {here's that explanation}
there's still life in me. i'll still post about it all.

it didn't feel write to continue writing about my life on that old blog if i'm starting over. if i truly am starting over and moving forward, i need to do it on all fronts. including the blogosphere. so here comes lovewasted.

this is where i'm at. i'm wasted on love. in all the good ways and all the bad ways. i feel like my heart is old and stretched and tired. it needs to be repaired and yet it keeps on putting itself out there. i'm drunk on love. and love doesn't always mean in the romantic sense. i love so hard in so many different ways and have done so for as long as i can remember. and my heart feels completely intoxicated.

i'm lovewasted.

i hope you'll stick around. i hope you'll join me. i hope you'll grow with me. i hope you'll enjoy the memories i create and share here. i'm excited to start over. i'm excited to move forward. and i sincerely hope you'll virtually hold my hand and skip off in to the distant parts of the interwebz with me. i promise, it'll be a fun ride.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

i vow.

i vow
to never take myself too seriously...

i vow
to never lose my inner weird kid...

i vow
to always have dessert...and sometimes eat it first...

i vow
to be extreme in my emotions...giving them the proper recognition...

i vow
to always love life and never wish any of it away...

i vow 
to work on my patience...

i vow
to sing as loud as i possibly can as often as possible...

i vow
to always give people the benefit of the doubt...

i vow 
to always try...

i vow 
to never fit in a box...being odd-shaped is cool.

i vow
to use words like epic and wicked and brilliant in everyday conversation...

i vow
to never stop loving Christ and to give my all, especially when the world makes it hard...

i vow 
to always be true to who i really am...

i vow
to never stop changing, never stop growing, never stop learning new things...

this life here on earth is short, but we all have so much potential. i can't be held back.

He's got it.

1 Peter 5:6-7
therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you,
casting the whole of your care on Him,
for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

1 Peter 5: 10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, Who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be,
establish and ground you securely,
and strength, and settle you.

there's something so sweet about God's promise. and by something, i mean in its entirety. how amazing is it that He loves ME this much? i don't even think i love myself this much. He is constantly there, constantly watching over me, constantly keeping a hand in everything i do and go through. there's so much comfort in knowing that no matter what trials i have to endure, He is there. and all it takes is calling out for His name.

it's no surprise that right now i'm going through it. this whole "life-thing" isn't easy and it's not always fun, but God promised me two things: 1) there'd be an end and 2) He'll be there through it all.

i know that He's got my back. i have nothing to worry about. i know that He will restore everything that has been taken away...and not only will it be restored...it'll exceed my wildest expectations. His plan for me is far better than my own ambition and i'm fully invested in being what HE wants me to be.

peace and quiet? nope.

one of the reasons why i loved this house, when initially scouting for a place to live here in texas, was how much space there was. two floors, four bedrooms...i was so sure i'd be able to have some peace and quiet. the guest room also doubles as my office so i was pretty excited to have my own space to work. and also? the kids would have a bedroom AND a playroom. so i could finally sleep alone in my bed and they'd have a place to play with their toys.

but let's get real.

these two follow me EVERYWHERE. i'll set them up with their favorite toys, juice, and whatever they want to watch on netflix. and thanks to the auto-play feature, it's supposed to buy me some free, quiet time.

yeaaaaaa it never fails. within minutes, these two realize i'm upstairs in my office {they call it mommy's room} and they come bursting in here. 

they tear up paper...take spare change and put it in my file cabinet...play this annoying demo song on my keyboard REALLY LOUDLY...color on the floors.... wrestle with jojo....bring their toys in here.....roll around on the floor....etc. you name it..they get into it.

i'm starting to wonder why i even have a space designated for their stuff. so currently? bella is sitting on my lap stealing my headphones to jam to jamie cullum's new record and austin is rolling on the ground complaining that "he can't sleep".

i'm tellin ya...being a toddler is rough.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

potty training is for the birds.

we tried undies today.
after breakfast, i asked the littles if they wanted to wear their undies today. they knew that wearing them would mean going to the potty. ecstatically, they said yes.

we talked about the whole process....if they had to go, they go to the potty.
i asked if they wanted the potty upstairs in their bathroom or downstairs where we were playing....they said upstairs.
we even talked about the consequences of peeing or pooping in their undies.
( immediate bedtime..no questions asked )

we put on undies and did a mini shoot.

right after finishing the morning dishes and cleaning the kitchen, i went to the living room to ask them to go sit on the potty.....

....they were both soaked.

i. hate. pottytraining.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

fitness to the extreme.

fifteen weeks ago, i saw a picture of myself that completely shocked me. it was a candid shot, not posed. oh man...here it is:

excuse the poor lighting/quality...oh and the other person in the photo. lol
circa march 2013.

this was me. unposed and taken off guard. and i didn't like what i saw. i didn't feel as big as i looked. and honestly, i probably wasn't as big as i looked...nor do i look THAT big to other people. but the girl i envisioned in my head did NOT look like that and i was just plain tired and over feeling uncomfortable in my body. so that's when operation "get it right, get it tight" went into effect.

thanks to my girl, Tessa, i started hitting the gym 4-6 times a week. going absolute beast mode. a little cardio and lots of weight lifting. i started pushing myself and i set a goal: i wanted to be a fitness model. i wanted to compete in physique competitions. i wanted to feel comfortable in my skin and finally stop making excuses as to why i was so out of shape. let's be real, here. my "baby" was about to turn two years old. there's no more baby weight at that point. it's just plain fat. and yea, i was super lazy and unmotivated. my clothes fit. because i had to purchase bigger ones. but i didn't like having to take several pictures before i liked ones. i didn't like having to suck in so much. so i became obsessed.

over the last fifteen weeks, i've pushed myself to points i didn't ever think were possible. i cried. i sweated. i was in pain. i was sore. i wanted to give up. sometimes i did. but i never regretted a single workout session. and seeing my body respond to results has been amazing. one thing i've had to learn is that progress is progress, no matter how slow it is. my body reacted pretty quickly at first, but over time has started to plateau more and more. i'm now introducing muscle confusion and challenging different parts of my body to push past the current plateau. 

here's some of my progress



week 1:
week 2:
week 3:

week 4:

week 5:

week 6:

week 8:

week 9:

week 10:

week 11:

week 12:

week 13:

week 14:

week 15:

i'm super excited to see where this fitness journey leads. despite having goals to compete, i've completely been taken over by this lifestyle. it's all about balance and maintaining. i'm striving to be healthier across the board. who's with me?

i document my progress and process on instagram. {@keranduh | hashtag: #fitnesstotheextreme} join me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...