i hate my alarm.
it wakes me up when i don't want to be awake.
and this morning, i woke up before the alarm.
i hate that even more.
but on this day, i laid in bed...perfectly still...taking in my surroundings. the room is dark. the industrial strength fan is blowing loudly, cooling us off. i hear cracks of thunder despite the loud noise from the fan. he is warm beside me. he says that he sweats whenever he doesn't wear a t-shirt to bed, but i still don't believe him. his back is to me. we always start the night by cuddling, but i need space and to sleep on my stomach so i typically roll over at some point during the night.
i like when he's facing this way...because i can wrap my arms around him and nuzzle my face in his shoulder. i always pull him closer and kiss his ears and his neck. i try not to wake him up, but it happens anyway. i ask him if i can tell him a funny story about my dream. he checks his watch and sighs, knowing that i'm really a toddler at heart and saying no is tantamount to ending my world. sleepily, he says he's listening. i laugh right at the punchline. typical.
he's back to sleep before i finish anyway. i can't help but smile into the fabric of his t-shirt.
i love him so much.
it's that scary kind of love. where you're completely unhinged and raw. there's no turning back. there's no pretending it's not there. you've jumped already. congratulations and good luck with that. no it's not just that i already want to marry this man and plan our lives together. no, it's so much more than that. it's that i can't see myself without him. it's that there is no other way to function in this world without him. you belong to him. in all the many ways a person can belong to another. his likeness is imprinted on my soul and his fingers hold the key to my heart. i'm lovewasted.
i tear myself away from him. it is the single hardest thing to do every morning. but i have to. i get dressed and come back to kiss him. it's never goodbye. it's see you later - sleep well - have a good day at work - i miss you - and i love you all in one.
he kisses me back. tells me that he loves me. calls me babe.
then he completely yanked on my heartstrings.
"tell austin and bella that i love them."